November 22, 2004

"He Will Carry You"

Don't be afraid to ask questions if you don't understand what God is saying.  You may wonder, "Should I move to California or should I move to New York?"  Don't put both questions before Him at the same time.  Only ask one question at a time.  He'll make it very clear.  He might say, "Yes, move to New York."  You may ask, "Well, how can this be?  The kids are still in school.  Is there a certain time?"  It will lead to other questions.  If you're married, both spouses need to agree.  That's the confirmation that's given in a special way in marriage.  But question and gather all the information you can before any decision is made.

Always seek confirmation on major discernments.  Sometimes our discernments are so major that we have more than one team discern.  In other words, we test the spirits.  We never, ever get to a place where we think that we are perfect discerners or that we know God's mind and heart perfectly.  That's why all of our discernment is done in a communal setting.  No one ever discerns anything alone.  Jesus said, "Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in their midst" (Mt 18:20).  If two or three of us are gathered together in His name, a presence of God is there in a very powerful way. 

St. Paul said, "Test the spirits.  Solid food is for the mature, for those whose faculties are trained by practice to distinguish good from evil" (Heb 5:14).  You'll make some mistakes in discernment.  There may be some wrong choices. Be good to yourself.  It happens.  The Little Flower said that all of her wrong choices, all of her faults, all of her failings, were but stepping stones to sanctity.  Somehow in all that we've learned, we've learned through our mistakes, too.  Maybe it's because we remember them. God sees us as children and He's not going to let us make such great big mistakes that can't be repaired or that are going to be harmful to anyone else or to ourselves.  But the mistakes can be a powerful learning experience, as St. Paul says-a training time.  So don't let your mistakes paralyze you in fear so that you don't discern at all. 

I went through this one time when our superior in the convent became ill.  I was the one who would take her place, but I had had no training.  I thought, "Lord, all these sisters-there are fifty-two of them!  I don't know how to make decisions.  Suppose I make the wrong decision?  I'm responsible for a lot of beautiful people here."  So what I started to do was to not make any decisions at all.  I almost became paralyzed with the fear that I was going to make a mistake and harm someone or do something wrong for the order.

One of our higher superiors caught what I was doing and said, "Don't be afraid.  Make decisions in the light of the Holy Spirit that you have at the time.  That's all we can do.  We all make mistakes, but we can only make decisions in the light we have at that time.  Maybe a few months down the road, we may have more light on something and think, ‘I wouldn't make that decision now.  I would make a different decision now that I have more light.'  But at that moment, whatever that time or that event is, go with what God is showing you, especially through others in a communal way, and let it rest in peace.  He will carry you the rest of the way."

Excerpt from "Informed Prayer," Topeka, KS, 2001.