March 21, 2005

"Experience the Presence"

Have you ever rattled off some prayers, hardly aware of the presence of God?  Have you ever come into church, genuflected and knelt down, not even aware that He's here in the tabernacle?  It can happen, can't it?  It can happen in our novenas.  We get used to asking Him something and we're not even aware of whom we're really speaking to.  St. Teresa of Avila teaches us to be very conscious of who we are praying to, as well as who we are.  The saints came to the realization of who God was and who they were not. 

In the beginning stages, we can start with the imagination.  For those of us who are in the beginning stages, the Spirit oftentimes brings images, but initiate it yourself if you need to.  Have a holy card or something that means something to you that you can see, and look at it.  Then imagine Jesus there at your side. Talk to Him.  Listen to Him.  Let Him speak back to you. (The Way of Perfection, 26:9).  Teresa said to focus on the indwelling presence within (The Way of Perfection, 28:2).  It takes a while to remember that He is within.

We recommend the book, Practicing the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence.  It's a wonderful little book and it shows us how to practice the Presence.  In the beginning stages, we're just not aware that the Trinity is there all the time.  We might be aware in our formal prayer period, but then the day gets busy and we can get away from that, so it takes a discipline.  We have to exert some energy to practice the presence of God.  The way they taught this when I was in the cloister was to have some little sign that would remind us of Jesus every hour.  For me it was this cuckoo clock.  Every hour it would come out and say, "Cuckoo, cuckoo," and then it would ring "dong, dong," and that was my little reminder.  I hadn't thought of Jesus in a whole hour, not since the last little "cuckoo."  I began to realize that I have to do it more frequently.  Then our novice mistress would say, "Now try to practice the presence of God every thirty minutes."  Then it was every fifteen minutes.  So we started to get almost habitually aware of the presence of God within.

Also, we journal.  We've said this before, but we can't emphasize it enough.  Journal, write down your thoughts and inspirations that come because the Spirit is so gentle, He's so quiet, that sometimes there will just be a little thought and you'll lose it by the end of the day.  You won't remember it.  Jot it down and then when you have more time to pray, put that before the Lord and dialogue about it.  "What is it that You are trying to say to me now?" 

Paul tells us that Christ needs to find a dwelling place of faith within our hearts.  Faith is a gift.  It isn't enough to know intellectually that God is there.  We need to pray for the gift of faith - to know that we know.  We need to experience God.  Within the cave, Elijah experienced that soft, still voice.  Teresa of Avila talks about that inner cave within our hearts.  That is a soft voice.  We need the silence.  We need to put our head in our hearts and listen until we become very accustomed to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  Our Lady has said to us, "Ask for this gift of faith from the Father."  It's a special gift.  It comes with Baptism.  Our whole prayer life is founded on faith.  The whole Church's one foundation, is Jesus.  We have to believe in Jesus.  Faith is very much the foundation.

There are some distinctive marks of Beginners.  Knowledge of ourselves is still very superficial.  We might think that we know ourselves, but the prayer of St. Augustine, "To know You, my God, and to know myself" is not yet totally anchored within us.  We have to ask for this self-knowledge. Peter thought he knew himself.  We all do.  We grow up with ourselves.  We think we know ourselves until we get into the beginning stages of prayer, and God strives to let us know in different little ways, "You really don't." 

He let Peter know in several ways.  One way was when He asked Peter to cast out into the deep and Peter said, "Well, You know we've been fishing all night again and we haven't caught anything."  But Jesus said, "Cast out and lower your nets."  You remember - the nets got filled.  Peter began to see that there was another power here moving.  There was another intelligence who had a lot more knowledge than he did.  So he fell at Jesus' feet and said, "Oh Lord, depart from me.  I am a sinful man!"   "I'm going into pride.  I thought I knew how to fish, but I don't."  Jesus also said to Peter, "Before the cock crows even once you will deny me three times."  "Oh no, not me.  God forbid, Lord.  I'll never do that."  Peter didn't know himself yet, did he?  So at the beginning stages, we don't know ourselves very well.  We are not living out the First Commandment fully at this stage simply because we haven't been through the fuller purification. There are wounds within us; there are fractures within us.  How can we love God with our whole heart if our heart isn't whole, if it's not healed, and it still has wounds?  So it is a process to live the First Commandment, even to love my neighbor as myself.  I have to get healed first so I can truly love others with the healthy love of God.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Creation," Omaha, NE, 2004.