July 4, 2005 

"Heart Knowledge"

We come to realize when we are in the Illuminative Way, especially the beginning of mysticism, that prayer for us means that we don't know anything.  All the other knowledge and all the other means of learning, somehow are no longer important because once we begin to receive the infused gifts of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, we begin to realize that we don't know anything.  We're totally reliant and dependent upon that way of learning.  John the Contemplative was speaking of this in his letters when he said, "You have no need now of anyone to teach you because you have the anointing that comes." That Word becomes alive and has power within us.  It has power to change us.  That is what it is going to change first.

In our subconscious level, there is that whole area where the heart still knows.  We know the heart knows; it is like a computer.  The heart remembers everything but the mind doesn't.  But we can ask the Spirit to bring it up.  "What does the heart know?"  The heart never sleeps and that is where these gifts of understanding, knowledge, and wisdom are given.  So the heart has to begin to inform us.  We kind of walk around with our head in our heart, asking the Lord, "I don't know but You do.  You know the very next place You want me today.  You know exactly what You want me to say at the microphone.  You know.  I don't."  When we make that kind of a passover, we are coming into really that heart of a child and total dependence upon God.

Also forgiveness, which is difficult, becomes ever so much easier here.  Why?  Because we begin to realize, "I don't even know why I do the things that I do."  Paul talks about that.  "I do the things I don't want to do and the things I don't want to do I do."  We don't know ourselves that well yet.  "Father, how can I put judgment on others?  How can I judge what they do when I don't even know why I do things?  Yet, You do and You forgive me."  So it gets much easier to forgive people and start loving them without putting judgments on them because we don't know.  We really don't know a person's heart.  We don't know deep down in that subconscious part of them, either, why they do what they do or why they did what they did.  Maybe they don't even know either so it's easier to let it go. "Father, forgive them."  Why?  Because we're learning to love unconditionally.  We're learning to love others just as they are, just as God loves us, with no conditions.  Just try it one day.  "Today I'm going to love everybody that You put in my life just the way they are, not the way I want to change them, not the way I want them to be, not the way that when they come to their senses, they'll change and then I'll love them Lord."  Try it with God's love, no conditions.

Catherine of Siena said that when we first begin our service to God, we are still full of our own self.  This is true, and this is the way that we love others.  "When they change and become the way I need them to be, I can love them, Lord.  When they start being nice to me, when they stop being critical, when they stop being negative, then I can love them then.  That is my standard of love."  Catherine said there is a deeper love that starts to operate within us at this stage.  Oftentimes, it is shown by the way God starts to withdraw His consolations.   He starts to withdraw them so we can't love with our own little petty conditions.  It forces us to say, "Oh God, I can't."  We're beginning to see this in truth and humility.  Remember, we're not saying to God, "I won't love" but we are saying, "I can't."  He said, "That's right.  Without Me, you can do nothing."  We're starting to learn that more now at this stage.  So we pray, "Lord, give me Your love so I can love.  Lord keep my heart open so Your love can come through my heart and love somebody else."  This is how God is drawing us closer and closer to Himself and making the Passover. 

Jesus said, "Don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing."  That is very interesting.  You might want to ponder that this week, keeping your focus on God and His love.  One time I had a superior who was very difficult to love, and I began to realize that I couldn't love her with my own natural love powers anymore.  Up to this point, I had thought that I could love almost anybody and anything.  Well, God put her in my life and then He started to withdraw the consolations.  There I was with this person in my life every day, every day.  I started to beg Him.  "I need Your love.  This isn't about natural love is it, Lord?"  Christianity is not natural; it is supernatural.  We have to love with the heart of God, with the Spirit of God.  I begged Him for the grace.  I couldn't love like He did at first.  My first prayer was just "Lord, keep my heart open.  Please don't let my heart close to her or to anyone ever.  Keep my heart open."  He did and there was this terrible struggle but each day I found I could accept her idiosyncrasies more and more until one day I remember walking into the chapel (and we always had to incline to the superior) and it happened just that quickly.  I turned, inclined to her, and love flooded my whole being for her.  I thought, "Oh God, this is beautiful!" 

We begin to experience that we cannot do it.  With Him there isn't anything that we can't do.  All things - all things - are possible with God.  In this Illuminative Way, we begin to see that Jesus really meant what He said.  He meant, "Without Me, you can do nothing."  He also meant all things are possible with Him.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Life," Omaha, NE, 2004.