April 28, 2008 

The Gift of Awareness

Our Memory is a very mysterious thing.  St. Augustine saw man as an image of the Trinity. He teaches that in man's interior being there are the three realities: memory, understanding and will.  Memory is compared to God the Father, because it is an image of eternity.  It is the point out of which springs love which has no beginning.  Memory, according to St. Augustine, is equated with God - with God's love.  It always was, it always is, and it always will be. 

Memory plays a tremendously important role in the growth of our spirituality.  In fact, he said that the growth of spirituality and the growth of memory really go together.  For example, in the awareness of myself, I know myself to be the same person who yesterday lived through a certain series of experiences.  I answer to the same name. That, he tells us, is the reason for memory: I can remember who I am.  I remember what I did yesterday, believe it or not.  But this awareness of ourselves always involves knowing where we come from, not only in the sense of our past but in the sense of our source - our Creator - from whom we really come.  We know that we come from God.  He made us and at this moment is present to us.  He is holding us in existence though we are most often unaware of it.  It is truly a shame that we are so unaware of the fact that God is holding us in existence at this very moment - at every moment.  Our growth in spirituality is a growth in memory.  It is an increasing awareness of where we come from.  So, in other words, as my memory becomes more healed, more whole, I will become more aware of God.  That is going to help my growth in spirituality and union with the Lord. 

When I was in the cloister and we were all baptized in the Holy Spirit, we were all, already, women of prayer. It was not like we were having our first experience of God.  Still, the experience we all had, right across the board, was this incredible awareness of God.  He was touching our memory right then and bringing us into this tremendous awareness.  I really saw that awareness is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  It is probably one of the most beautiful gifts that we received when we were baptized in the Holy Spirit.  It is a gift for which we need to pray daily - the gift of being aware.  It will trigger my memory and my memory, then, will connect me with the One of whom I am aware - of God.  It will bring about deeper union with Him. 

We used to talk among ourselves in the cloister and we would wonder, "Why isn't this gift spoken of more often - this tremendous gift of awareness?"  You never heard of it with the charismatics.  You heard of all the other wonderful gifts, but not this gift of awareness.  I remember reading about Theresa of Avila one time.  She was in the kitchen in the cloister and was fixing some eggs.  She almost went into ecstasy because this gift of awareness which came upon her.  She became so aware of God's presence that it took her right into that whole presence of God. 

When we experience a deep awareness of God's presence it means that He is constantly creating within us. He is saving us.  He is sanctifying us and it is very intimate.  It is a very intimate self-awareness that happens.  Just as our memory aids our total awareness of God, so does this awareness - the awareness that He literally holds us in existence - add to our total experience of Him.  All of this knowledge is within us - every memory of who we are and of who we are in God.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's, "The Healing of Memories," Omaha, 2004