April 25, 2005 

"Ready and Willing"

The Dark Nights actually help us to change.  We want that new heart, but we have to go through the journey of the Dark Night.  I say we have to.  We have a free will to choose not to.  We always have the choice.  But if we are going to follow the leading of the Spirit, He will take us through this darkness - this purification time - because he wants this change to come about.  He wants our hearts to be new.  He wants them to be pure.  Teresa of Avila said, "There are some souls so blind!  They complain to God, ‘What have I done to deserve this?'"   She said that the implication of that is that they have done nothing - that they are innocent of a great deal of inner disorder.  So we have to be careful if we have thoughts like, "What have I done to deserve this?"  Maybe we don't know our hearts.  Maybe there are sections and areas, little chambers of our hearts, that are still in the darkness.  Again, at this stage, we usually don't have that kind of self-knowledge yet.  In Matthew 7:1-5  (this comes from the purification of the heart that needs to change) Jesus said, "Stop judging."  Stop judging.  He'll do the judging.  We are just to be doing the loving.  He'll do the judging so stop judging, stop being critical or gossiping or being negative.  These are all things that come out of the heart. 

Teresa of Avila wrote that she still saw an abundance of imperfection within herself.  When she was doing her writing (by this time she was writing The Way of Perfection) she was pretty well along the way and yet she still saw these imperfections in herself.  The saints tell us that one reason they see their sins so clearly is that they are always getting more and more of God's light.  The more light there is in a room, the more we see even the littlest particles of dust and dirt.  It's quite easy to clean a house at night.  It doesn't take us long at all.  But oh, when the dawn comes, look at this and look at that!  We can see all the fingerprints on the mirrors and the furniture.  It's quite different in the light.  So our hearts begin to reveal things to us in the light - in God's light - when He shines that divine flashlight in there.  He does it in His perfect timing.  He knows what we can handle at a particular time.  He knows our frame and that we are but flesh and that we are very limited.  So He doesn't want us to become discouraged.  That's why He doesn't want us to be probing around and searching.  He'll let us know.  But when He shows us, we don't want to put it on the back burner.  We don't want to pretend, "Oh, that's not me!  Oh, that's just a little thing, Lord!" and sweep it under the rug.  Have you ever swept anything under the rug?  God sees under rugs, believe me.  So He says, "Don't be discouraged.  Just let Me take you through the Night."  You know, in one way, the Night is a gift because we can't see at night.  Why should we even try?  We need to have someone take us by the hand and lead us.  We need to have someone give us a light.  We are strictly dependent upon someone else who knows the way.  That in itself can give us a great deal of confidence that Jesus is the Way; He knows the way of the heart.

Another principle of this change depends upon our degree of readiness to receive this grace, to receive this change.  Change in itself sounds so simple. It's just a little word, but it implies movement from point A to point B.  We're being led somewhere else, and we don't know where it is.  We are in the dark.  We don't know.  That can be frightening, in that moment-to-moment passover, that moment-to-moment changing.  But it is important to receive this grace.  I think this is why the saints, particularly St. Louis de Montfort, tell us that it is so important to be consecrated to Our Lady, to be really devoted to her.  He said that souls who are in a very special relationship with Our Lady will pass through the Nights much more quickly.  It's because we are able to call on her for the grace to receive so we can make that passover more quickly.  Jesus Himself spoke about this in Matthew 13:1-12 and in Luke 8:4-15.  It is the parable about the sower and the seed.  Here, Jesus, Himself, is the Word Incarnate, and yet His words, coming from the direct mouth of God, are not falling totally on receptive soil, are they?  There are different levels of soil.  Some receive forty percent, maybe sixty percent, maybe eighty percent.  Receptivity and our willingness to change have a great deal to do with how rapidly we will pass through the Night.  How much are we going to receive God's word and let it get rooted in us and bear fruit?  As intercessors, we have to by our readiness and our generosity; it is determined by how much we love God and want to be one with His will.

When we are ready and generous, we will find that the Lord will give us much in a very short period of time.  Writers will give you differing lengths on the Nights but it really is up to us cooperating with the Holy Spirit.  I personally believe that when we have Our Lady praying for that grace for us to constantly make the fiat passover, we can pass prepare the way for others to receive that word.  We also have to be receptive, as Our Lady was, to receive it ourselves.

Of course, Jesus forces no one.  The humility of God is so awesome!  He will not touch our free will.  He will not.  It is amazing.  He'll do everything He can to help us make right choices, but He won't force us.  He will invite us to come higher.   He will invite us to hear His call, His word, to listen to His word, and to live it out.  He'll invite us to come to Him when we are weary, when we need to be refreshed, and He'll invite us to learn from Him because he is meek and humble of heart but he isn't going to push.  He isn't going to shove, and He isn't going to try to control us.  He will not force us.  So our growth in this changing process is determined through these Nights in a very short period of time.  We'll find ourselves crying out with the psalmist, "How long, O Lord, how long?" because it seems like forever.  Some Nights can be long.  There is a dawn that comes in our regular physical nighttime that is a pre-dawn.  It is a light but it isn't the full dawn.  That will happen when we start to get breakthroughs and glimmers of truth and graces.  We will think, "Oh, we are coming to an end here.  The Night is coming to a close."  But we are still in the Night.  Love, of course, covers a multitude of sins and to one who loves much, much is given.  Our Lord said this about Mary Magdalene, "Her sins are forgiven because she has loved much."  So we keep coming back.  It's how much we are going to love God, trust God, and allow Him to take us on this beautiful interior journey through the Night.  One of the things about nighttime that makes it not so scary is that there is an intimacy at night.  There isn't any light except God's light.  It is the light of His fire, that light of Faith.  It is God's light and when we know that we can relax and give our, "Yes, Lord" much more quickly.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Heart," Omaha, NE, 2004.

April 18, 2005

"Dangers on the Path, Part 2"

There is also lust in Beginners  - that constant lusting for something we cannot have or should not have or which God does not want us to have.  In the Night, we have to be careful that we do not stray from God because the enemy will definitely come and will try to excite within us impure feelings and thoughts.  He will try to get us back into the flesh when God is trying to say, "Come higher.  Come into the spiritual part of your being now."  St. Thomas teaches that lust is avoided by flight from the occasion, rather than by direct resistance.  Sometimes direct resistance is not the way to fight in combat against the enemy within because it focuses right there on the sin and on the enemy.  St. Thomas says to flee from the occasion of this sin of lust. 

There is gluttony.  But in Beginners, it becomes spiritual gluttony.  "All the wonderful graces I have received!"  Maybe, "All the wonderful spiritual books I have read!"  All of a sudden, there is gluttony - a spiritual gluttony - and we are out of balance, seeking consolation rather than the One who is the Consoler.  With this gluttony we will start to overdo with extreme penances and fasts, which have not been approved by our spiritual director.  Maybe we begin doing things that will wear us out or ruin our health.  We have got to pray, pray, pray!  You see this sometimes in people with all their retreat resolutions and particularly during Lent.  Be sure to check out the things that you think are from God because it can be spiritual gluttony, and we will become out of balance very quickly. 

Spiritual gluttony will focus on enjoyment and spiritual consolations.  We act like little, spoiled children at this particular time.  We can flit from one spirituality or prayer style to another.  We're always seeking the new, rather than seeking the will of God through obedience and discipline. There are many ways in which to run.  Maybe this week the Lord will reveal to you one of the ways that you subconsciously run from Him.  One time He showed me that I used to be on the telephone all the time - I was running.  I was running from the silence, the solitude of being alone and facing that inner discipline that He wanted.  Maybe we are running by constantly reading good books.  God wants us to know Him, not just about Him.  He wants us to taste and see His goodness.  Another hallmark of running is running from the Cross, running from anything that is causing me pain or discomfort, anything that makes me uncomfortable in any way.  Yet, God has said that we must take the road that the saints have followed.

There is sloth in Beginners as well.  Beginners can get so involved in the spiritual life that, all of a sudden, they are not interested in work.  They can be so involved in the "Mary" that they don't want to do the "Martha."  Or on the other hand, we can get so involved in being the Martha - busy, busy, busy - that we are very slothful and spiritually lazy about the spiritual life.  It can go one of two ways, and we have to be careful that it doesn't go either way and we remain in balance.

Distractions in prayer will come when we go through this purification process.  We have to be careful that we don't welcome these distractions because sometimes they can be a relief from the boredom and the aridity, the "Oh, thank God there is something I can think about!" Oftentimes, we will entertain a distraction; this is what the enemy loves!  That might not be what God wants at all.  We have to watch our attitude here and be certain that we are waiting upon the Lord and not reaching out before God.  It is so easy to get ahead of Him.  So many times I used to be out there and all of a sudden I would realize, "Lord, where are You?"  "Oh, I'm back here.  What are you doing out there?"  We don't realize that we can run ahead of the Lord.  So if we are distracted, take the distraction to the Lord and let Him work it through with us. 

We can also become weary of the journey at this stage because we are seeking our own will again and not seeking God's will.  It is only in God's will that we are really energized.  He is uncreated energy.  We can receive all kinds of energy when we are connecting with Him.  This is another one of His invitations.  "Come to Me if you are weary and heavily burdened, and I will refresh you."  Come to Him for that refreshment and energy.  John of the Cross said that as Beginners start to walk this way, they might find spiritual occupations irksome because they are not in that consolation mode anymore.  We can grow weary.  We can grow bored.  We have to be certain that we are close to a spiritual director who we trust and can confide in, who can help us along the way.  Maybe that person alone, right then, will be the sign.  This is the way.  You are on the royal way.  John of the Cross said that so many go to the Cross where the thicket and the thorns are, but when it gets kind of rough, they turn back and they don't walk with God anymore.  We need to walk there and right through it.

We need to be careful of the greed of always wanting to have these attachments, even the spiritual gifts.  That might seem like a little thing but I remember one time pondering some graces that God had given me.  I did not realize that I was pondering them over and over and over.  The Lord allowed it.  Then finally one day He said, "Let them go.  Let them go.  Those were beautiful when I gave them but they are old now.  Let them go so that we can move on to the new."  It was like He said to Mary Magdalene on Easter, "Mary, do not cling to Me."  Don't cling to anything.  Let it go so that you can be lifted up, so that you can be carried on those beautiful wings of the eagle.

God is saying to come higher.  Come higher.  Become lighter.  Let it go.  Come into that detachment, that beautiful poverty of spirit.  Years ago, someone gave me a little holy card that I think sums up what I think God wants us to understand at this stage of the journey.  It had a little child in a rowboat.  There were big waves around.  Under it all were the hands of God.  The card read, "You know the way for me.  You know the time.  Into Your hands I trustingly place mine.  Your plan is perfect, born of perfect love.  You know the way for me, and that is enough."  That is what God is saying to us.  Let His plan. His way for us, be enough.  So Jesus is saying, "Come Higher, friends.  Come now.  Ascend the mountain of the Lord!  Come here on the Cross, and I will give you a New Heart!"

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's, "New Heart," Omaha, NE, 2004.

April 11, 2005  

"Dangers on the Path, Part 1"

I just want to go briefly through some of the sins, how they look in the Beginners stage, and why we need this Dark Night of the Soul so we can come higher into His marvelous light.

Let's take a look at what pride looks like in the Beginner's stage.  We probably have seen people who, like the Pharisee from Scripture say, "I pray every day!  I tithe!  Look at me!"  They might want others to notice their holiness and this great change within them.  They like to have the spotlight.  It is a very subtle type of pride that comes out of the spiritual life, but is still present in the beginning stages and we have not been able to spot it.  Spiritual pride is deadly and it is the very origin of false mysticism so we have to be very careful. 

There are so many ways that pride can lure.  I might have shared this before, but I think it fits now.  In the early days of my conversion, I was reading all the lives of the saints and was trying to imitate them all until I got kind of tired of the hair shirts and the boiled potatoes and sleeping on a scratchy mat.  I thought, "Oh, there has got to be another way!"  I was so imbued with the saints.  Writers wrote about them like they never did anything wrong.  It was as if they were born holy. I found myself not wanting my spiritual director to know all my faults because God was starting to give me light now and I was starting to see sinful things I hadn't seen before.  I was trying to hide them from him so he wouldn't think less of me.  So I started telling my real serious sins to another confessor and the lighter ones, which looked more saintly, to my spiritual director.  This is spiritual pride at its best!  We have to be careful because it comes out of the spiritual side and we are not looking for it there.  We want God to hurry!  We want Him to remove our faults or imperfections.  We get very impatient.  We might even become angry at God, Himself, because He is not moving fast enough for us.  We might find that we dislike praising others.  We dislike having others get praise.  We want them to look at us.  "Look at me!  Don't you see how I've changed?  Don't you see all the wonderful things God is doing for me in my life?"  It's all pride.  Obviously we have to go through the darkness so this can be purified.  God says, "This has to go!  Allow Me to remove it."

Anger looks a little bit different. Almost every Beginner in the spiritual life falls victim to some imperfections of anger.  Oftentimes, it is anger with God as He starts withdrawing consolations.  He does this so we will not remain in an infancy mode of loving Him for the good things He gives us.  We do not even think about knowing or looking at the Giver of these gifts.  So God starts withdrawing the gifts, consolations, and some of the graces.  This is a real test for us.  Are we going to hang in there and seek the Giver?  Or are we going to turn away because we are not getting the gifts?  Oftentimes we will fall into anger.  We can stomp our feet and throw a little tantrum.  "You don't love me any more!  You don't care about me! You don't even know if I'm here!  What happened?  You left me!"  We can say all sorts of things, and God is silent.  He knows what He is doing, so He lets us walk this way so that we can begin to see, "I have anger within me, and it is not a just anger.  It is not the kind of anger that God wants me to have.  It has to go."  That is another part of the striping process.

We can become angry with ourselves because it is very easy to fall into faults when we are not receiving those consolations.  You know, when we are in prayer, and we get all these wonderful graces and consolations, we can promise God anything, but when He starts removing some of them and starts leading us more into the faith walk where we do not feel His presence, it is very hard.  It is pretty hard.  So we begin to feel, "I don't think I like this process.  I do not think that I want to die.  I do not think that I want to let go of this.  What will I have?  Lord, I have left everything!  What will I have?"  We are in that in-between, Passover transitional stage, and it can be frightening and can cause anger within us.

We can have envy at this stage.  When God starts the purification process, many Beginners go into a sadness that is not of God.  We can feel sad over other's goodness, over another's spiritual walk.  We can feel sad that others do not see any good in us any more, sad that others are making more progress than us.  We can feel sad that God does not do what we want Him to do or sad, simply, because yielding to His will is difficult.  The struggle really, really begins now.  I am trying to get free of me, myself and I - that little inner trinity.  It has to go.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's, "New Heart,"  Omaha, NE, 2004.

April 4, 2005  

"Intercession in the Purgative Way:
The Joys of Interceding"

This is only the beginning for each of us.  He said, "I will give you a new heart.  I will put a new Spirit within you.  I will give you a new commandment."  We always begin. It's not just a one-time beginning, there are new beginnings every day.  Every day He opens our ears to hear.  That is how we begin.  Every day is a new beginning for us in prayer.  In the beginning stages, it's what we call meditation.  We are contemplating God in His parables.  It's that, "I may forget You today, Lord.  I'm not in constant union yet but still please don't forget me."  Then our intercession begins. 

At this stage, it feels good to intercede.  We are receiving consolations from God in this new birthing time, and we want to do something.  "What return can I make to the Lord for all He has done for me?"  So right away, God starts leading us into intercession because we are receiving joy from God and now we want to do something for Him and for others.  We actually get a lot of joy out of our intercession at this stage.  There are other stages of intercession where there is not quite so much joy, but these are times of joy because we're seeing the results of our intercession and get feedback every now and then.  Believe it or not, God does let an intercessor know, "I've answered your prayer!"  He lets us see the fruit of it somewhere when we least expect it. 

Through the years, we have found that when God wants us to know the fruit of our intercession or if He feels our faith is getting a little weak or we're kind of getting tired, He'll let us know.  We get so much joy in watching prayers get answered.  Of course, pride can come in at that stage big time.  "Oooh, look at me!  God always hears me."  So we don't stay in this stage too long.  We're starting to embrace this charism at that time.  We're starting to embrace a tremendous zeal for souls.  We're beginning to see God really does bend His ear and listen.  He really does.  We see there is a power here that we haven't begun to tap into but we're beginning to experience God's power.  We're beginning to see that intercession moves God's hand, not mine.  Discernment is in the budding stages.  It has a lot to do with how we feel or what we sense about something.  Our images can be very impure and very natural at this stage.  This is why communal intercession is extremely important because we can get off-base very easily in the natural.  We're not yet purified enough to recognize our natural spirit from the Holy Spirit or from the evil spirit. 

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Heavens - New Earth," Omaha, NE, 2004.