February 14, 2005

"Attaining a Life of Prayer"

When I entered the cloister I thought I knew what holiness was all about.  I was in a wonderful group at home.  I was very active in the Legion of Mary.  I was a daily communicant.  I had a wonderful confessor, a very holy spiritual director.  I thought this holiness, this call to perfection, was easy until I entered the cloister and saw real sanctity.  I began to realize, "Lord, You are giving me a light," not to discourage me but to help me grow and not become complacent but to see, "I haven't even begun.  I haven't even begun the journey." 

He will give us lights to show us, "Come up higher.  Come beyond where you are.  You have not arrived yet."  It is a journey.  It is a journey to flee from sin because we are not really aware of how much residue is within us or how much we have picked up from the world.  So the danger here is that words are spoken (and maybe they are from us), but the focus is on the words and on our litany, our devotions, and our prayer, but not on what prayer is intended to convey - love.  That is what we do in the beginning stages of prayer.  We consider pious thoughts, we try to ponder deep truths, and we put forth a lot of effort into understanding that Word.  It can get pretty tiring after a while and can lead to discouragement because it takes a lot of effort.  So at this stage, the saints tell us, "Persevere.  It will pass."  Spiritual directors will help us persevere in this beautiful inner journey.  It's always good to have a spiritual director.  So we persevere because the next stage (and it is still a beginning stage) is recollection where we begin to have a loving attention on God.  We are changing our focus now to "Who are you?  Who is this Jesus?"  We want to see Him.  We want to touch Him.  We want to know Him. 

When Peter was out fishing, we can see this shift.  At first, the whole conversation was about fishing.  He was telling Jesus, "There aren't any fish out there.  I am the fisherman here.  I fished all night."  He was using his own knowledge, but then it starts to shift when Peter pulled up all those fish.  He begins to wonder, "Who is this person in the boat with me?  Who is this person?"  Now it's not so much about the fish anymore.  His gaze has changed.  "Who is this person in this boat with me?"  It will shift like this for us, too, because Jesus and I are in the same boat.  "Who is this person?  Who cares if it is His boat or my boat?  We are in the same boat."  So there is a gradual shift in meditation from being very busy and analytical to becoming more and more simple.

According to the saints, there are three things necessary to attain the life of prayer - humility, mortification, and interior silence.  Humility is where we begin to discover that God is not impressed with words as much as with our hearts.  Jesus said to St. Margaret Mary, "The thoughts of my heart are to all generations."  He is a heart person.  He wants to share His heart and He is more interested in our hearts, our feelings, our emotions, and our love. 

Mortification is necessary because we need to strive toward an authentic spirit of detachment, which will primarily free us from ourselves.  Detachment will start to place my will in control over my emotions and my thought processes.  I will have the freedom to choose.  Detachment brings a tremendous freedom to the person.  Mortification will shift our self-love and will gradually replace it with God's love.  We will start to decrease, and He will increase because we will start to have a deeper hatred for sin.  There will be less of me and more of Jesus.  We are going to want more of Him, so we are going to want more of that spirit of poverty that John of the Cross talks about.  John of the Cross put the spirit of poverty at the very summit of perfection.  When we are at the fullness of emptiness, we are at the fullness of love, of union, of sanctity.  Our Lady understood this.  In her Magnificat she says, "He has filled the empty with good things."  So we are starting to be more and more empty and dying to our false self.

The third necessary element for a life of prayer really is interior silence.  The saints don't just say silence; they say interior silence.  We can be alone in a very quiet room and yet be very noisy, talking away, reliving conversations, listening to the old tapes, maybe making up some of our own.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, Lord, this is what I'm going to say.  What do you think about this?"  We can be very busy and noisy.  So we need interior silence.  We need to be able to hear what the Lord is speaking to our hearts. One of the things we do to help us decrease the noise within is to write it down, right away, in our journal.  We get it out there, out of the interior, and onto paper.  If we want to discuss it with the Lord, or if the Lord wants to bring it up, it is there, and it will really help us to become more quiet within so that we can hear the voice of the Beloved. 

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Creation," Omaha, NE, 2004.

February 7, 2005

"The Sanctifier at Work"

In the beginning stages of God's "New Creation" (and He is always creating us anew) there are some virtues that begin to show up and the soul becomes aware of them.  Charity comes because without this love we would not be able to continue the struggle.  Prayer is a discipline and a struggle in the early stages, so love is granted to us right away, or we would not be motivated to even show up for prayer the next day.  It would all be over.  It is love that keeps us showing up, and it is love that keeps us going.  Meekness will start to come forth because we will start to give way to the Lord - for His words, His knowledge, His wisdom, and His life.  We might start to see some patience increase within us that we did not have before. 

As we start these beginning stages of prayer, one of the first things that we begin to realize in the struggle is that we cannot control God.  That might come as a shock to some people.  He is not necessarily going to speak when we want Him to speak.  He is not going to tell us what we want to hear.  He is not going to do what we think He should do.  In fact, He is not going to act like what we may think a God should act like.  All of a sudden, we begin to realize that we have no control at all over this God so we learn some patience to let Him, as Father said, take the lead.  Of course all this means that humility comes - the learning of truth about itself - because the soul is also learning truth now about God.

As these virtues begin to come forth, we will seek how to avoid deliberate venial sin.  We will go out of our way to avoid it because love is taking over and we do not want to do anything to hurt the One we love.  Also in the beginning stages, if mortal sin is committed, the soul wants to get rid of it very, very quickly.  The conscience is becoming much more sensitive.  Purification is already at work because now there is a deeper docility taking place to the Holy Spirit.  The Sanctifier is busy at work with His love process and He makes us more aware of His promptings.  It is the Spirit and His love that is prompting us within ("This is the way to go.  No, this is the way to go.") and prompting us to pray for this person or this situation.  It is wonderful.  At this stage we begin to become aware of His promptings.

At the very beginning, we will begin to awaken to the deeper Baptismal gifts of Faith, Hope, and Love, but we will also start to see our predominant fault.  Maybe we never saw it before.  Usually we do not know what that is, but in this level of prayer, it will start to show up.  The Spirit will start to show us.  "Every time I hear this particular thing, I overreact" or "Every time I see this particular person, I'm having another reaction."  The Spirit is starting to prompt us that something has to be taken  care of.  If you find that you do not know what your predominant fault is , just ask your friends.  Believe me, they know!  Several years ago, we were taking the Meyers-Briggs test.  I didn't know how to answer one of the questions (which I don't remember now).  It was something about me.  I thought, "Well, I don't really know if I would do this first or if I would do that."  So we were all in a room together and I just happened to say, "Is anybody having a problem with this question because I don't really know exactly what avenue I would follow here."  Well, everybody in the room knew exactly what I would do!  So just ask your friends.  Sometimes you can ask your enemies, too.  Go for the gold.  Don't make false peace with faults.  We have a tendency to do that, like, "Well you know I'm only human."  How many times do we say that?  How many times do we hear that?  Do not rationalize.  Be honest. Take it to the Lord.  "Lord, this is a dominant fault within me.  Help me with that." 

We become aware of the promptings.  We become more aware of the Indwelling Presence.  We are not so quick to make decisions.  We are starting to grow in wisdom and take counsel, get another opinion.  We take more time to pray for the Holy Spirit's light.  Gradually our priorities start to change, and we realize that what was so important to us before isn't so important anymore.  There is something changing within us.  God is changing us, and we are allowing Him to do that with our "Yes."  We definitely become more serious about the interior life and the way of perfection.  The main thing for all of us to remember at this stage is simply to be faithful.  Jesus says, "If you are faithful in these small things (and these are little things because we are Beginners), I will place you over greater things."  As we grow, then greater things will be given.

It is important to share the journey not only with the community of the Trinity but with God's friends.  Birds of a feather flocking together so that we can help each other in this struggle to come higher.  All of us are here because He has called us friends.  Teresa of Avila says that this grace of Christian contemplation (and it is a grace) is a grace to be asked for.  Every good gift comes from on high.  Contemplative spirituality is a grace, it is a gift, and God wants to give it to us more and more every single day.  Paul says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation.  That is what we want to be - a New Creation.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "New Creation," Omaha, NE,  2004.

January 31, 2005

"The Three Stages of the Interior Life"

Theologians tell us that the interior life can be looked at basically in three stages: the Purgative Way, the Illuminative Way, and the Unitive Way.  The first stage, the Purgative Way, correlates with the time of the Annunciation (where we're beginning to experience the mystery of God within us) through Calvary.  This is the hidden life, going through the struggles with Satan in the desert and through the different mysteries, parables, and teachings of Jesus.  This stage is called purgative because there will be tremendous purification going on within us as we begin to grow in wisdom and grace. 

The next stage, the Illuminative Way, correlates with the time of the Resurrection to Pentecost.  It's a time of the risen Lord walking along the road with us and opening our minds to all the Scriptures that pertain to Himself, just as He did with the men on the road to Emmaus. 

The last stage, the Unitive Way, is the Pentecost experience and beyond, where we experience the mysteries hidden behind all of Jesus' life in a deeper way.  This is where Paul said, "Yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20).  When the Apostles and disciples came out of the Upper Room, they were changed.  They were transformed.

These three stages start to merge together at Pentecost.  When we are at that stage we can start to experience much more differently the deeper mysteries hidden behind all of Jesus' life.  We can go back then and start to experience that Annunciation - that experience, those words of Our Lady, her Magnificat.  We can start to experience in a deeper way Jesus' encounter with Satan, some of Jesus' beautiful teachings, the tremendous mystery.  It is going to constantly be broken open because we are at a different place.
 
For now, we are at the beginning stages of prayer and the beginning stages of prayer involve a lot of purification so that we can come into full union.  It is always a growth.  The saints and theologians tell us we never fully arrive in this life.  It is always a process because we never know the fullness of God and we will never know it totally until the Beatific Vision itself.

The saints give us some things to do.  We can go to the Scriptures.  We can go to the Word, Himself, and let the mystery of that Word begin to be broken open for you.   For example, today we go to the Word where Jesus says, "No one can come to me unless the Father draws him."  This is a great mystery, and we begin to see right there, "I really don't know the Father."  The Father has to draw me to Jesus.  The fact that I am being drawn right now to His Word and to His personhood is saying to me, "The Father saw me first.  The Father, literally, did choose me first and is bringing me to Jesus.  The Father is the one that is revealing right now to me His Word."  So we go to the Word, realizing we do not know the Father, but also the Word will begin to tell us, "But I am the Way.  I am the Way."   And Jesus will take us to the Father.  Jesus is THE way to the Father.  It is beautiful, the way that the different persons of the Trinity give deference to each other.  They kind of all work together in their love.  They are pure love.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's Friends" "New Creation," Omaha, NE, 2004.

January 24, 2005

"Heart of Holiness"

God is constantly saying, "Come higher, friends."  Come higher in love now with His love.  That means, "Love your enemies.  Love those you do not want to love.  Love those who might be actively persecuting you."  How can we do this?  We are going to talk about it this week.  We are going to love with His heart.  We cannot do it on our own power.  Remember, we are limited, but God is not.  So holiness relies totally on the love of Jesus.

So if charity is the material, the very heart of holiness, then the nearer we come to sainthood the less critical of others we will be.  We will be much more welcoming.  It is like we will have hospitality of the heart.  Everyone will be welcomed into our heart.  We will want to forgive seventy times seven, over and over and over because we are always being loved.  We are always being healed.  We will want to share.  We will have tremendous generosity because God is love.  God is taking over our lives more and more and the very nature of love is to give.  Lovers are very generous people.  God is generous.  He is a giver.  He is a lover.  We will want to bring others into this inner circle of God's love as well, so that everyone can experience what God is giving to us.  John tells us that.  God is love.  He says, "Where there is love there is God."  We might say, "God, where are You?"  Just see if you are loving.  Where love is, there is God.  My first spiritual director, my confessor in the Church, used to tell me, "If you don't find love, you put it there."  The saints knew how to do that.  It is like they became more God-like.  Scripture says, "God loved us first." 

The saints begin to love first even when they were not being loved in return because God moved first.  The God within them moved out first in tremendous love.  Holiness is not choosing if we are going to love God or our neighbor.  It is not choosing "Who am I going to love today?"  We think we are going to love God with our whole heart, our whole strength, our whole mind, but we may not know if we can love our neighbor today as ourselves.  But the saints did not make that kind of a decision.  They did not have that option.  It was all the same - loving God and loving others as oneself.  They would choose both and make it one because they were tapping into the gift of piety, that tremendous love of the Father that we see Jesus using constantly, especially on the cross.  And because of their love of the Father, the saints also had a tremendous love of all mankind.  All of us are called to be saints.  All of us are called to be holy.  All of us are called to be full of God's love.

One of the requirements for Church beatification is the practice of heroic virtue over a period of time - loving in season and out of season.  That is kind of the crunch.  It is living a life without rebellion, without self-pity, without vanity, without the desire to be in the very center of attention.  It is a very hidden life but we can recognize them because of their love.  I had a superior in the cloister who used to say, "I can not hear a word you are saying because your actions are shouting."  You can tell a person that is in union with God.  Their actions let us know - a tree is known by its fruit.  The Church, thanks be to God, does not demand ecstasies, horrible penances, long vigils, long fasts, nothing extreme.  It is the little things, the Nazareth things, that the Church looks at - the little, ordinary things done with extraordinary love, that balance, that cheerfulness, that doing it for the love of God.  For thirty years, Jesus was hidden, and He has a tremendous message there for us.  He put His preference there on that hidden life, thirty years growing in grace and wisdom before God and man.  St. Augustine said that heaven and holiness and union all go together, but he said it is not so much that we shall enter into this joy in that kind of relationship.  It is more that all joy shall enter into us.  Isn't that beautiful?  God wants us to be beautiful tabernacles, beautiful earthen vessels of His presence and His love. 

You have heard His invitation, thanks be to God.  You have already responded with your "Yes, Lord."  Paul said that He chose us, each one of us, in Himself before the world began.  This is something He had us in mind a long, long time ago, and He chose us to be holy and blameless in His sight, to be full of love.  So "Come higher, friends.  Come higher, friends."  Come into this wonderful presence of God.  Come into all that He has planned for us this week.  Come into the realm of the saints.  Come into the fullness of presence of holiness. 

Our Lady has said that prayer is a means to love and connect us with love.  Yet, in the beginning stages, we do not know that, so we use very complicated methods.  It is interesting that as a soul is starting to make this Passover, the older method of prayer, the more beginning stages of prayer will start to tire the person.  All of a sudden, we don't have time for all these litanies and prayers that we have prayed all our life.  Well, we might have time for them but we are making other choices - we want to be quieter, more silent, more in union with God. 

Excerpts from Mother Nadine's "Behold! I Make All Things New!" and "New Creation," Omaha, NE, 2004.