Intecessors of the Lamb

Jesus wants us to use our free will. Remember this was a gift that was not taken away from Adam and Eve. So we have the gift of our free will, and we can use it for better or for worse. One way or the other, we are always choosing. In fact, not to choose is to choose also.

One time, He gave me this beautiful Scripture (Lk 19:27) when He was trying to teach me that He wanted more activity on my part regarding the use of my free will. Jesus said, "Now about those enemies of mine who do not want Me to King. Bring them in and slay them in my presence." I thought, "Enemies? What enemies, Lord?" He said, "Just open the door. There are enemies lurking, and they are enemies of Mine. They don't want Me to have full authority in your life. They don't want Me to be Lord of your life. They don't want this relationship. They don't want you to say yes to Me. They want you to rebel and say no."

In imagery, I opened the door, and in came anger, resentment, rebellion - a whole bunch of things that I didn't even realize were lurking somewhere deep in my heart. So He said, "Now you put them to death. Put these things to death. These are sins. Put them to death in my presence." Try it; it really works! But be sure to do it in God's presence because then those things will die.

We want to close the doors to sin within ourselves because if we don't, we're giving a legal platform to Satan and the evil spirits. If we don't get rid of these natural spirits within us that are in opposition to God's will, Satan will come in and minister to us in those areas. Then it's very difficult to act out of the Holy Spirit. Then we really have a deadly spirit within us, and if we become divided, we can fall. So it's very important to take care of the sin in our own lives. We usually are our own worst enemy.

When the Lord started going through the Ten Commandments and we got to the first one, I had no idea that I was competing with God. Sometimes we want to be in the driver's seat. Sometimes we don't want God to be God. We have many different false gods in our lives. We have many different ways of hanging onto control, and so it takes the divine flashlight of the Holy Spirit to show us these areas. "Get out of the driver's seat! Let God have control. Let the attachments go. Just let go and let God be God." He'll do a good job. He really will.

I think this is why so many people like solitude because it offers us two things. It offers us the deeper experience of God. We meet God in solitude, but we also meet ourselves. In solitude we see ourselves in His light, and so we see the sin and the ugliness. St. John of the Cross said this is where many souls turn back on their spiritual journey. They don't want to go into this deeper solitude because there's a stripping that takes place. The false self has to go, so the new self (the beautiful self, the one that God created originally) is put on-that beautiful mantle and robe of salvation. We become more and more like Jesus.

One emotion that often surfaces at this time is anger. We may be angry at God because we can't hang onto "this" or "that" anymore. We may feel anger at our being deprived of doing things my way. We don't realize how deeply ingrained this root of disobedience is within us.

Another emotion or sin that can show up in the stripping process is greed because we have to let go of our attachments. There's something in us that is like an octopus. We may let go of a few things, but then we hang on to something else. We let go of this and grab that. The greed in us always tries to hang on to something instead of letting go of everything and giving both hands to God in a total "fiat" surrender, trusting that God knows what is best for us. He's a Father, and fathers really do know best. We are talking about putting off the old man, the old nature, all that sin that we picked up in original sin in the Garden and letting God come in and redeem all the beautiful parts within us and raise us up into the state of grace once again.

Excerpt from "Healing Power of Obedience," Manila, Philippines, 1999.

01-06-03 How to Wait on the Lord

January 6, 2003 "

How to Wait on the Lord"

How would we tell anyone to wait on the Lord? How do we tell anyone to wait? If the light is red, we wait until it turns green. If we're meeting someone at a restaurant and they're not there, we just wait until they come. And so I thought, "Lord, obviously You want us to know something about waiting that is beyond the natural." This is what I believe He has shared with me to share with you.

First of all, as I really ponder the Scriptures and look back over the years and my own walk with the Lord, it has been one of considerable waiting. All kinds of waiting. We can go to prayer and nothing seems to be happening; maybe He didn't show up, and so we wait. Of course the tendency is that if this happens for several days in a row, we don't want to show up either. The enemy would love that. So in waiting we learn fidelity. We learn trust. We learn that the Person we are waiting for is worth waiting for. He really is!

When I first read the story of the Little Flower as a new convert, I remember St. Therese saying to the Lord, "You're going to get tired of waiting for me before I get tired of waiting for You. So I'll just wait, and when you're ready to come, You'll come." Later when I was in the cloister and going through some of those arid desert days, I remembered this and started to say the same thing, "I'm going to wait. No matter what, I'm going to wait."

There is a growth process that takes place in waiting. We come into a maturity. Children don't like to wait. Everything is "now." Instant. As we begin to grow, we become more like ladies and gentlemen in waiting, you might say. God did a lot of waiting. Considering the state of the union, I think He waited quite a long time before He sent Jesus. When Jesus finally came, He waited nine months in His mother's womb-hidden. I think the greatest sermon Jesus ever taught is the wait of Nazareth: thirty years out of thirty-three years. He is showing us something very important. When we want to teach a child something, we don't do much talking. We simply show a child, for example, how to tie his shoe. We show a child how to brush his teeth. I think Jesus is showing us something, perhaps the most important teaching of all: there is a waiting time, there is a preparation time, there is a formation time. Scripture says that in those Nazareth years, Jesus grew. He grew in wisdom and grace before God and men (see Lk 2:52). It is so important that we allow this growth process.

Someone once said that burnout is not from doing too much, it's from receiving too little. We have to be careful of this. Waiting brings us constantly back into balance. It brings us constantly back into the contemplative, the receiving, the feminine part in all of us, the child, where God gives to us, and we receive. Jesus once said, "I am among you as the one who serves" (Lk 22:27). God loves to serve us as well. We have to be careful that we don't get so busy serving God and others that we do not allow ourselves to be served and receive as well. Sometimes I think we take better care of our cars than we do of ourselves. We're very careful to make sure that they're oiled and filled with gas. We need the same care-even more. We need the quiet time, we need the waiting time, we need that resting time. God is so wise; He knew we would need that. Waiting is very fruitful. Things happen in the waiting time.

One of the last things Jesus said before He returned to the Father was, "Wait. Go back to the Upper Room, and wait until you have been clothed with power from on High" (see Lk 24:49). It is so important to be clothed with power from on High. In the Acts of the Apostles there is a very significant Scripture that says, "And the Mother of Jesus was there" (Acts 1:14). We don't hear anything about what Mary was doing after Calvary. And now, they're in that Upper Room waiting, and the Mother of Jesus was there. The Holy Spirit is trying to show us something very important-in the waiting time, in the waiting to be clothed with power from on High, it's Our Lady especially who will show us where the power is. She was there preparing them to receive the power.

Excerpt from "Waiting on the Lord: How to Do It," San Bernadino, CA.

07-09-01 Not Guilty!

July 9, 2001 "Not Guilty!" One day, shortly before I was going to leave the cloister, I woke up early. I wasn't really awake yet. I was in a daydreaming state. I heard an echoing sound, which reminded me of saying something in the Rocky Mountains and having it echo out and out and out. I listened and heard the voice of the accuser (Satan) accusing me of every single sin I had ever done. His memory was much better than mine was. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He kept saying all these sins over and over. I thought that he must be in the presence of the Father. I didn't see anyone, but I heard his voice over and over. All of a sudden, I knew that I was in the presence of the Father Himself, and the voice and its accusations finally stopped. The silence was absolutely deafening. Then the Father said to me, "Do you have anything to say?" When you're in the presence of God, who is pure Truth, everything gets very clear. All the little excuses, reasoning, and logic fall apart. I said, "Guilty!" because everything that Satan, the accuser, had said was true. When I said, "Guilty!" Jesus came. Jesus came and stood next to me. He had a deep red mantle on. He took His left arm and put it around my shoulder so now the mantle was around both of us. It was the mantle of His Blood. Jesus said to the Father, "Not Guilty!" This is what the Blood of the Lamb does for us. This is what happens to us in our love affair with God. The ability to forgive and be forgiven is one of our most powerful weapons. God's love power, this gift that God shares with us to forgive, is powerful. I have learned that Satan cannot forgive. He is totally defenseless in this area. The reason he can't forgive is because it takes love to forgive. Satan doesn't have any love. He can not get to the Source of love. He is totally severed from Love. He cannot love; he cannot forgive. We have a powerful weapon in our ability to forgive, but it is important to forgive as quickly as we can, because if we don't, we are in the enemy's camp. There isn't any in-between camp. When we refuse to forgive, we are in Satan's camp. He will try to get us to delay our apology and our asking forgiveness as much as possible. He doesn't want us to have our hearts more open for God and come into this beautiful reconciliation with others.

He will block our reconciliation if he can. One of the ways will be through putting things in our minds, such as, "You were justified. You were right. They were wrong. You said the right thing. They just don't understand. You are the generous one. They're not." He can go on and on. We've all been there, and these thoughts cause us to hang onto resentment, anger, and bitterness. It can progress into tremendous sin if we're not careful. Satan will be getting a deeper foothold into us to the point where it will be very difficult to get rid of these feelings without some special help. So Satan will try to block our seeking forgiveness. He will try to block this reconciliation ministry with others and with God. We need to be aware of it and not let him get even his little toe in the door.

Excerpt from "Forgive Us This Day," Blackwood, NJ, 1998.

01-07-02 An Epiphany of His Love

January 7, 2002

"An Epiphany of His Love"

When we're all gathered together at home around the table each night for supper, there are so many people chattering and laughing and talking and sharing the Lord that we can hardly hear. But all of a sudden, it will grow quiet. We know the Spirit is resting here, and it's time to share with the broader group. The Spirit lets us know when He's resting.

The Holy Spirit resting are very important words to contemplatives. Scripture often refers to this resting. At Pentecost tongues as of fire appeared, which parted and rested upon the Apostles (Acts 2:3). The Spirit came and rested upon Mary; she had found favor with God (Lk 1:30). John the Baptist said, "I saw the Spirit descend like a dove from the sky, and it came to rest on him (Jesus)" (Jn 1:32). The next thing was the Father is saying, "This is my beloved Son on whom my favor rests" (Mt 3:17). When the Spirit rested upon them at Pentecost and whenever the Spirit rests upon us, we are in God's favor. Jesus said, "Do not live in fear, little flock. It has pleased the Father to give you the kingdom"(Lk 12:32). It is out of the fullness of these riches that we can give what we receive to others.

The Spirit will drive us into desert places-places of intimacy so He can be alone with us. The Spirit will drive us into the deep interior life as He took Jesus into Nazareth. The Spirit will drive us to Calvary. He is always driving us deeper into the heart of God Himself. We truly are gathered together as a family and community of believers, gathered together as God's Church, as God's people, with one mind, one heart, one body and one Spirit, all for His greater honor and glory.

Today He is calling us in a deeper way to be the light of the world-to be so filled with this consecration, His holiness, His Truth, that we will be a light to all the nations. He wants us to be an epiphany of His love and His presence. He wants us to be holy. He wants us to be a royal priesthood. He wants us to be Church and to look like His Church. So I believe He is telling us to go forth now as the prophetic Church, as the Church that has learned to listen to Him everyday, and can take His words out. He is calling us to be a Church that has received His gift of Wisdom and knows the secrets of His heart and what the Father has taught. We need to become a prophetic Church again. I believe this is manifested in one of the beautiful gifts that we will hear about today in Scripture-the incense of prayer. This is being given to us today in a deeper way so that we can come forth and be this house of prayer and this prophetic Church.

He is calling us forth today to be this priestly people with the offering of myrrh as an acceptable sacrifice to the Lord. It's this sacrificial gift. It's agape love. It's His gift to us so that we can be a priestly people. He is calling us forth today to be that royal family-to be a sign of His sacrament of the pure gold of His love.

I would like to close with the same prayer of Paul prayed for the Church at that time. This is our prayer today also for all of you and for the Church in our times as well. "I pray that the eyes of your hearts may be enlightened always with the gift of Wisdom, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you. That you may know the richness of His glory and the surpassing greatness of His power, His love power in us, and that you may day by day by day experience His great love that surpasses all understanding (see Eph 1:18), and that it will be always for God's greater honor and glory, today, tomorrow and forever." God bless you!

Excerpt from "One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic," Kingstown, West Indies, 2001.

01-13-03 Principle and Foundation

January 13, 2003

"Principle and Foundation"

Today we're beginning what we call the "Principle and Foundation." St. Ignatius originally did not include this Principle and Foundation week in his Spiritual Exercises because he was giving these exercises mainly to religious who already had a good prayer life going. But the laity began to want retreats. God had started touching the laity's hearts to come into a deeper and deeper union with Him, but they hadn't had the prayer experience that the religious had. So the Jesuits added this prelude, which we call the "Principle and Foundation", to help the laity get in touch with, "God loves me. He loves me just as I am." This Principle and Foundation Week will help us to feel and experience God's love and presence before we start the First Week.

In this first week we always begin with laying the foundation. This would be to look at yourself as a whole-your life, your journey, where you are now, and all the ways God has been present in your life to bring you to where you are now. Everything is gift; everything is grace. Sometimes we forget all the beautiful things He has done for us. Even though we might not have been aware of it, He's very much aware of us. He never takes His eyes off us; we couldn't live if He did. In Him we live and move and have our whole being. So God is always present to us whether or not we know it.

And Ignatius says to use this time to really look at God's glory. Look at Him as the Creator; look at Him bigger than just "my God." Look at Him as, "He created everything." So Ignatius takes us into creation and all the beautiful things that God has done and made just for us. Sometimes we forget. This morning I saw three deer come up and eat, and it reminded me of the Trinity. But if I had looked two minutes later, I would have missed it. They wouldn't have been there. There was something so majestic about seeing their gracefulness, their quietness, their peace, their gentleness, and their trust in knowing no harm would come to them. They were not even aware that I was at the window watching, and I thought, "It's just like us; we're not even aware God is watching us, too."

It was a moment of grace for me. It was a gift. I saw it and accepted it from God as a gift. It put me in touch with Him right away. It took me right to the Trinity. Ignatius wants us to get in touch with people and everything in our lives. They are here as a means to the end. Everything created is only a means to God. This is why Ignatius has this beautiful motto, "All for the greater honor and glory of God." He wants us to use creatures, people, events, everything - all for the greater honor and glory of God. And so this week will be a reflection on God's love for each of us personally. Each of us will review our lives and history of God's love and blessings for us personally. The grace that we are asking for this week is the grace to experience God's personal love and call as the very foundation of our lives. Had He not called each of us into existence, we wouldn't be here. He not only has called us into existence, but He has kept us in existence. He is the very foundation.

St. Paul was such a great mystic. His whole life was living the Exercises. When we read his letters, we see how he started-how he went down into the dying process, how he put on the Lord Jesus Christ, how he literally put on the heart and the mind of Jesus. He could say to us, "Now you put on the Lord Jesus Christ" (see Rom 13:14) because he had done it himself. He had entered into the Passion so closely. He went through the whole gamut of total transforming union. That's what we want to do.

So this is St. Paul's prayer: "I pray that Christ will make His home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love" (Eph 3:17-need MN's bible). This is the foundation that we always begin with. There has to be a love foundation. God is love. So we have to get back to our roots; we came from God. "So that you, together with all God's people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep is Christ's love. Yes, may you come to know His love, and so be completely filled with the very nature of God Himself" (Eph 3:18-19-get wording from Mother's Bible). This is what we're after: to be totally filled with God. The saints and mystics tell us that it is not enough just to follow Jesus. We must become Jesus. We have to totally disappear so that Jesus can live, so that people can see only Jesus, so that we again will become the Body of Jesus Christ moving throughout the world. That's God's vision and dream for the Church. And the foundation, Paul says, is in love; it's in God.

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "Heart-to-heart Listening: God's Personal Love for Me," 2000

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