September 1, 2003 

"The Two Standards"

St. Ignatius says that this particular meditation, "The Two Kingdoms," sometimes called "The Two Standards," is a turning point in the retreat.  He considers this the very basis for all good discernment.  All good discernment comes out of really understanding the two kingdoms, the two standards.
 
Before his conversion, Ignatius was a soldier in the army, and he speaks out of his own experience.  He says it's like the two flags.  The flag bearer is the key person in the army (at that time) because all the soldiers were watching that flag, which gave them their orientation.  If the flag bearer went down, the army was going to lose because they didn't have a guide anymore and would become disoriented.  So Ignatius said that the position that we're in is determined by the flag bearer that we are following.  Ignatius presents the two standards; it's like two flag bearers.  He says to keep our eyes on Jesus because if we don't, we're in for defeat.  Just as in an army of men, if that flag bearer goes down, that army will definitely suffer defeat because they've lost their goal.  They don't even know where their men are.  That was their only way of really knowing which side they were on because they had to look up quite frequently to make sure they were following the right flag.  They could lose their own flag actually and get into the other one's army. 
 
So Ignatius equates this with spiritual warfare.  Satan's standard or flag, he said, will be one of riches, honor, and pride.  These can creep into our lives in so many subtle ways, and so we often have to check out whose flag we are under.  Jesus' standard, Jesus' flag, will always be poverty, humiliation, and humility.  So ultimately we're going to see the two standards, the two flag bearers.  One will produce pride; the other will produce humility. 

Now Ignatius says because we are not in the First Week of the Exercises anymore, we're in the Second Week, we've already made a choice to follow Jesus, or we wouldn't be this far in the Exercises.  So when we make this particular meditation, we're not discerning which side we should choose.  We've already chosen Jesus' side.  We're learning discernment here.   But committed souls can easily drift into the enemy's camp.  We've all been there.  We can drift with one foot in one camp and one foot in the other camp, and ultimately we'll go down because a house divided against itself will fall.  It's usually in confusion when we don't know which camp we're in or which flag we're following.  And so he said to check it out.  "What is my motive?  Is it riches, honor, or pride?  Does it boost my ego?  Does it make me wealthier, even in the honor and reputation?  Or is this keeping me poor in spirit, empty, and dependent?"  In other words, is it all the things that foster humility? 

Ignatius wants us to look at this meditation at this particular time because as we go more and more into the life of Jesus, we'll be aware of the two standards in the Gospels.  We'll see Jesus confronting the other kingdom constantly.  Once we're aware of it, we'll notice it in all the Scriptures.  Jesus was always being harassed.  He was always being opposed.  He was showing us how He discerned the value system of the Father and the value system of Satan.  And so we want to ask for the grace to be truly discerning.  Discernment is a gift.  It's a gift.  Like any of the gifts, it can be cultivated.  There are tools.  We ask for the light.  We ask for truth.  We ask for the values of Jesus. 

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's "Heart-to-heart Listening: The Two Kingdoms,"  2000.
 

September 8, 2003

"Lord, Teach Us to Pray"

One day we received a phone call from a teacher inquiring the whereabouts of a young boy who had somehow given our phone number as his emergency phone number at school.  Maybe he didn't think that there was such a phone number, but now this school teacher was calling, asking us about the whereabouts of a young boy whom we didn't even know!  Obviously, this boy was playing hooky, and so we started to pray for him, and as we prayed, we were strongly led to pray for all runaways.  We prayed for this boy and for all runaways for several days, and that was it. 

Later that week, we received a phone call from New York.  The caller said that a young teenage girl had run away from home and her parents were absolutely frantic wondering where she was.  We could just imagine the terrible way the parents must be feeling, and we were terrified at all the things that could possibly be happening to this girl.  When we first got this prayer burden to pray for all runaways, she had been missing for a week already, but on that very day that we began to pray for all runaways, she called her parents from California and told them where she was!

Lord, teach us to pray!

Many years ago a woman would come to us and ask for prayer that she could stop smoking.  I think everybody in Omaha had prayed for this woman to stop smoking, but she kept smoking and smoking, and yet she was always asking for prayer.  Priests would pray, special prayer teams would pray, but she still kept smoking.  She couldn't break the habit.  One night we were at a prayer meeting and a young man whom we had never seen before was there.  He just kind of glowed with the presence of God.  Everybody noticed.  He was just passing through.  Who knows-maybe he was an angel!  After the prayer meeting was over, everyone made a beeline to this young man for prayer because there was something special about him.

I was standing in line for prayer and right in front of me was this woman who wanted to stop smoking.  I thought, "Oh, I know what she's going to ask for.  We've heard it for a year."   When it was her turn, I couldn't help but overhear because I was the next one in line.  He said, "What would you like prayer for?"  She said, "To stop smoking."  He paused for a moment, and I realized he was checking something out with the Lord.  Then he said to her, "Do you want to stop smoking?"  I kind of muttered to the Lord silently, "Of course she wants to stop smoking.  She's been requesting prayer from all of us for a year to stop smoking."  Well the young man waited for her reply and there was this silence.  I thought, "Isn't this strange?  She's not answering him."  We waited some more, and then I could see the struggle going on within her.  Finally she said, "No, I really don't want to stop.  I should quit for health reasons, but I really don't want to stop."  So then he said, "Let's pray for the desire for you to want to stop." 
 
The prayer that needed to be prayed was "Lord, please give her the desire to quit."  So this young man prayed that she would get that desire to quit smoking and the desire for her will to be one with God's desire, and that she would be able to quit smoking without any problem.
 
Lord, teach us to pray.

A few years ago, one of the sisters and I were on our way to South Bend, Indiana, and we got off the interstate at the wrong exit and got caught in all that awful traffic outside of Chicago.  It's six lanes, bumper to bumper; it must have been rush hour.  We were delayed, and we could have gotten all fidgety about it, "Oh my goodness, we're going to be late.  Why didn't we listen and take the right route?"  We could have gone on and on grumbling with all these inner conversations but right away we thought, "There has to be a reason this happened.  Nothing happens by chance."  Nothing when we're moving with the Lord. 

So we started watching, "There's something on this interstate that You want us to pray for and we're going to watch for it."  We hadn't been stuck on the interstate for more than ten minutes when we saw this car clear over in the left lane start to inch its way over to try to get to the off ramp.  By the time the car got to us, we just sat there and made room for it to get in front of us.  The driver turned and looked at us and that was it!   He saw we were nuns and the communication was tremendous!  His look was, "I'm desperate, help me."   I thought, "Lord, he's ready to take his own life."  Both of us knew it.  Here was the reason we had missed the turn-someone needed hope, someone needed grace, someone needed God, and there we were!  God put him right in front of us.  This man couldn't get to the ramp without passing right in front of us.  I'll never forget that, and we prayed, "Lord, please give this man all the graces he needs right now.  Fill him with Your love and hope.  Help him to want to live."
      
Lord, teach us to pray. 

These stories illustrate what intercessory prayer is really about.  True intercessory prayer is prayer to the Father, through Jesus, led and empowered by the Holy Spirit.  Too often what we think of as intercessory prayer is really a prayer of petition.  It's me telling God what I'd like Him to do, but when we are in intercession, we are being led and directed by the Holy Spirit on what to pray about and how to pray.  In each of these situations, we were not the ones initiating the prayer.  It was always God getting our attention, and once He pointed out a situation, we responded by asking God to do something about it.  If we had used our natural sense, we would have completely missed the prayer that needed to be prayed, but when the Holy Spirit is the guide and leader in our prayer, we will see lives being touched and changed.  Wherever we are, we need to be open and readily available to be used by the Holy Spirit. 

Excerpt from Mother Nadine's Interceding with Jesus

September 15, 2003  

"Sloth: Part I"

Sloth is an inordinate love of rest which leads us to omit or neglect duties, whether they be physical, mental, or spiritual.  The fruit of this inordinate love of rest would be a tendency to neglect our duties. 

Sloth of the intellect is sluggishness of thought in useless, vague occupations of the mind.  Daydreaming would come in here, but sloth of the intellect would be where we're allowing our minds to really remain asleep and drowsy especially at prayer time.  Maybe this is why St. Paul said, "Put on the mind of Jesus" (see Rom 13:14).  That definitely would counteract sluggishness of mind, sloth of the intellect.  Maybe this is also why in one of his letters St. Paul wrote, "Awake, O sleeper" (see Eph 5:14) because there's a sin lurking at the door.

Sloth of the will is manifested in laziness, grumbling, discontent, procrastination, and lack of zeal.  In other words, sloth of the will is avoiding obligations and responsibilities, not making an effort or even trying to make the effort.  These can be little ways that sloth is creeping into our will because to assume responsibility takes effort.

Sloth of the body is when we're almost at a standstill or going at a snail's pace, and there is usually too much ease.  We're out of balance.  The easiest way to spot sloth is through busyness.  Busyness is almost totally opposite of laziness, except it is this extreme busyness about many other things that can make us very lazy about the one thing that is necessary.  Satan would like us to be busy about many things, even many good things.  Jesus called Martha on this, "Martha, Martha, you are busy about many things, but only one thing is necessary" (see Lk 10:41-42). 

Spiritual sloth will lead to a repugnance, almost a disgust, of authentic spirituality and the work of sanctification in our own souls because sanctification and spirituality take too much effort.  Our Archbishop even mentioned that last night.  The spiritual life is a struggle; it's a journey.  There are some days where we might kind of bask more in the consolations, and there are some times when we are not.  But the spiritual life is a struggle because it's not natural.  The spiritual life is supernatural.  But Christianity isn't natural either, is it?  It's a supernatural religion.  It's a very beautiful gift that we have, but it takes effort.  And so sloth would want us to omit or shorten our spiritual duties.

Remember the story about St. Teresa of Avila when she was going through a lot of aridity?   She was going through the nights a good twenty years at least.  She would just shake her hourglass trying to make the time go faster, trying to empty the sand out faster so that her prayer time would be over.  Well, we might not have an hourglass to shake, but we have watches, and we can fidget.  We know all sorts of things to help the time go faster.  We can start reading and daydreaming away our prayer time.  We may remember something we forgot  to do, and we're off and running.  We know how to cut our prayer time by five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. 

These are all indications to be careful because when sloth takes over, it will begin to destroy charity.  It will begin to destroy God's love for me and my love for Him.  Not that He has stopped loving me; it's that I'm not connecting.  I'm not able to receive it.  I'm just too busy, Lord.  I'm too busy.  I'm too busy even serving You right now.  We can get this way in families, too.  Parents particularly have to be very careful.  They can get so busy running the household and running the children back and forth and all the many things to do in raising a family that the beautiful intimate time with each other gets lessened and lessened and lessened, and problems can start in a marriage. 

Sloth can creep into our lives in so many ways, but it will destroy love.  It will rob us, first of all, of our hunger and thirst for God.  I can't tell you what a deadly sin sloth is.  It depresses the soul with sadness because we're not receiving.  Our only joy is the Lord.  Look at the joy they had at Pentecost.  They were being touched by God in a big way.  When we're being touched by God, there isn't any sadness.  Sadness is from Satan; it's never from God.  Sorrow can be from God, but never sadness.  And so sloth will begin to depress us, and the soul will become sad because it's not being touched by God.  It's not receiving life or love or peace or any of those beautiful fruits of the Holy Spirit.

Then boredom sets in.  That's what was setting in when Teresa was shaking her hourglass.  Sometimes when we're going through the purification times, it's very boring.  We have to be careful that we don't give in to this particular sin.  We must persevere in our prayer time, in our time with God, because the tendency is to run.  We have very sophisticated ways of running.  We don't just go out the front door and run down the street.  For myself, I used to talk on the telephone all the time.  All of a sudden, I had to call somebody till the Lord showed me, "You are running.  That's not the priority here.  That's not the one thing necessary."  We have all sorts of other things to do, and if we can't think of them, the enemy will.  He'll put those thoughts in our mind.  

So sloth is a laziness that really leads us to mental laziness, spiritual laziness, and even physical laziness.  The laziness brings with it irresponsibility.  It's just not a priority to take care of the things that need to be taken care of-the one thing necessary. 

The Lord first began to teach me about sloth and irresponsibility before I entered the convent.  I had an apartment with a friend, and I bought a little bird.  My spiritual director was going to come over and bless the little bird, but I didn't know exactly when he was coming. So when he called and said that he'd be here in twenty minutes, we both looked at each other, looked at the apartment-it was a mess!  Housecleaning wasn't a priority for either one of us.  We had dishes sitting around.  Oh, it was just terrible!  So we gathered up all the dirty dishes and stuffed them into the oven.  We swept as much dirt as we could into the corners, and if there was a rug, we put it under that.  Oh it was awful!  We only had twenty minutes.  By the time Father walked in that door, it really looked rather decent.  But later, after the priest left and the bird was blessed, in my prayer that day the Lord brought that back to my attention.  He began to show me that this is sloth.  He said, "That's tremendous irresponsibility.  In the first place, I know where the dishes are.  I know where the dirt is."  And so He let me understand it is irresponsible to allow that habit to creep in on us.  He said that if we had been living responsibly day after day after day, the apartment wouldn't have been in such a mess in the first place.  Anybody could have called at any time, dropped by, and we could have had a pretty clean place.  But we weren't in the habit of living that way.  We had other priorities.  And so we were really very lazy about the responsibility of keeping up the place where we live. 

But I really learned from that.  I had to hear it right from God that that was irresponsible.  It's dangerous to let sloth start to creep into our lives in any way because ultimately it will get into our prayer lives.  There is a carelessness that can come.  We have to be on guard at all times.  Mediocrity will start to creep in very quickly.  When we get too busy in whatever way to pray, we are not being energized, and fatigue and weariness will come.  Mediocrity.  Compromise.  Any way to get something done, the quickest way possible, and get it over with type of thing.  There's no joy in it because we just don't have that energy.  Sometimes there are physical reasons that we don't have the energy, but often it's because we don't have that Uncreated Energy within us.  We're not tapping into it.  We're not using that force, power, and energy of the Holy Spirit.  Joy itself is a tremendous energy.  Love is an energy.  When we're being loved, we have a lot of energy.  I remember my mother used to say that where there's a will, there's a way.  I think it comes back to-what are my priorities?  When we really want to do things right and serve the Lord, we have an energy for it, but it's a matter of choice.
 
Excerpt from Mother Nadine's Prayer Warrior Summit: The Power of Prayer Warriors," 2002.